Sunday, February 13, 2005

Absurd 9/11 Reference Alert 

We may have a new winner in the competition for the Most Absurd Reference to 9/11. I'm watching the local Fox News here in Chicago, and they're talking about this new-ish concept in retail in which you can "test drive" the item you want to buy before you take it home. Examples: doing a load of wash in a Maytag washing machine; getting into a sleeping bag in a room kept at five degrees below zero; ok, you get the point.

Anyway, why is this new idea catching on so quickly? According to Fox Chicago News, it's not just because "it's a more interesting shopping experience," although that plays a role, or because you know, it's nice to try things before you pay for them. Those reasons matter, of course, but the main reason in obviously...the fact that some radical Al-Qeada members flew some commercial jetliners into the WTC and the Pentagon, killing three thousand people.

The reporters exact words, transcribed through TiVo: "Retail analysts also say that after 9/11, there was a change in the way consumers made their decisions. After the attacks, customers simply wanted more proof in what they were buying." Then, they cut to Colleen Stanley, an "industry analyst." She added, wisely and appropriately, "They'll still invest dollars, but they really want to make sure they get a return on their investment." Then, the reporter said that "you combine 9/11 with the corporate scandals and the internet, and you've got today's customers: skeptical and informed."

To take a page from the Guthrie playbook, what the fuckety fuck? Combine 9/11 with the internet and therefore, people like to try out a washing machine? Good lord, I'm speechless.

I would highly recommend against hiring Colleen Stanley if you are a business-owner looking for a retail sales-consultant.
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